Heartbreak and me

So in my last post I said two things have affected my skin, well the first was hayfever, TOTALLY expected that,  the second was heartbreak- DEFINITELY didn’t expect that.

In many western cultures we think that diet affects our skin and bodies, in a lot of the eastern cultures emotions are associated more with skin and health issues. I think it’s a real combination of the two. I was stupidly in love with this boy, for over two years of my life, which isn’t mega long but long enough.  He was my best friend and he smashed my heart to pieces.  It physically hurts.   The pain isn’t just emotional, it’s physically unbearable and with it comes the sleepless nights, the constant headaches, the emotional rollercoaster of anger, sadness, endless tears and the inability to think or feel anything else, and then came the lack of appetite.  I’ve lost 7lbs in two weeks, I was too upset to even eat.  I didn’t care about myself enough to eat.   He was my world, and I was dumb enough to think he meant what he said, Bastardo!

Being cheated on and lied to is the worst feeling.  Breakups are like a death, a person suddenly has to disappear from your life.  I didn’t want this and it’s very difficult.  I find myself welling up. A lot.

My doctor has often told me my skin problems are stress related, well this feels next level.  I must admit after 6 weeks I’ve started to eat a bit more ‘normally’ but one thing I will say- heartbreak is shit for the soul but does wonders for your waistline.  It’s not worth it though.  He definitely wasn’t.

I think emotions really affect my skin.  Not only am I not eating properly and feeding my body with the nutrients it needs but I am not getting enough sleep to function and my brain is switched off.  This all leads to a downward spiral, a catch 22- I’m feeling particularly bad about myself and my self esteem has hit rock bottom.  Of course this makes me think about my skin, and I drive myself nuts thinking about it, and now it’s really suffering.  Seems so unfair- you go through all that crap and end up looking like a lizard!

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Now what to do about myself?  I’ve wallowed in self pity and now I need to pick myself up.  I’ve been running like Forest Gump and hitting the gym like never before, exercise is so good at making you feel better.  I can’t recommend this highly enough, if you feel sad, lost and down please try running.  It clears your head, and yes it does make you think about things but you feel free too.  It certainly has helped me, and my speed during those angry thoughts has improved a lot!  Just make a happy playlist and steer clear of those sad songs…

Some of my friends and people closest to me are going through such tough times, it puts things into perspective,  it might FEEL like someone has died but I remember how it felt to lose my beautiful Mum and this obviously doesn’t compare.  Why should I let some selfish boy bring me down?  I AM a Sensitive Shell but I need to protect what’s on the inside and the outside of that shell and the purpose of this blog is the pursuit of getting happy on the inside and out and finding the best way to heal my soul and my skin : ) and I hope it can help you too.  There are so many sad and lost souls out there and I know all of you who suffer with skin conditions feel this even more, because people can see it.  Pain on the inside isn’t visible but it hurts just the same.  He was a stupid boy and I’d like to stick to the belief that there are good guys out there.

So here’s to the future, and here’s to getting a happy shell on the inside and out.  I have a blank, sad and lonely canvass and I need to fill it with goodness and love.

Now I have a spin class to get to so I’ll speak to you all soon,

Let’s do this! xxx

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