When you don’t have a Mother on Mother’s Day, gift ideas,  and why you should adopt someone else’s (if they don’t mind)…

Mother’s Day is just around the corner and for all you lucky bastards that have one I suggest you make her feel special!

I’ve not had a Mum to share Mother’s Day with since my 21st birthday and trust me that ‘effort’ of buying flowers, a card or making a little gift, or even picking up the phone to organise the annoying family get together is actually worth it, because you’ll never know what you had until it’s gone.

I never wanted to be anywhere else but her side, even feeding the ducks!

I think Mother’s Day can be so many things.  It can be like a birthday for anyone that IS a Mother, it can be fun for everyone else and it can feel good to know you are spoiling the person who not only brought you into this world but the person that made you into what you are today.  It can also be a desperately sad day, some people have never known their mothers, or if you have other women who are pretty much the next best thing to a mother figure in your life, but often wonder what happened to the original. It can also be a painful day for anyone who has lost a child, a reminder of what could have been, and of course a sad day for anyone who lost their mother during any point in their life.

So buy that card, book that table and buy whoever is like a Marma to you a little something to show you appreciate all the times they’ve listened to your tears, tantrums, and celebrated your joy.

Here’s ten little ideas for anyone feeling a bit clueless, all £20 or under (links below). Don’t worry if you’re a little cash-strapped,  a homemade something is always a great idea. Get scouring Pintrest for some inspiration, bake a cake or print out and frame your favourite picture of you both or a photograph you know she loves.

 

Diptyque Roses scented candle, Space NK £20

Elemis Frangipani Duo £14.50

Personalised Mother’s Day gift, Not On The Highstreet £14.99

Royal Albert New Country teacup, Amazon £17.60

Holdsworth Blue Cube, 200g, John Lewis £15

Nails Inc Baby Nailkale Collection £19

Best Mummy make up bag £12.99

Lvndr Turquoise Bracelet £20

M&S Handcream Trio £8.50

Edinburgh Gin Rhubarb and Ginger Liqueur £18.00

WHEN YOUR MUM ISN’T AROUND ANYMORE…

There are a few problems you will always notice when you don’t have a Mum on Mother’s Day.  Firstly you’ll
feel like you have to do some sort of memorial. Like you’re massively dishonoring the person who brought you into the world if you don’t light a candle or something.  This is a load of rubbish.  If you’ve lost your Mum or don’t have any sort of Mother figure then you know damn well that you think about them more than just once a year.  Light a candle on their birthday or toast your next G&T to their memory.  Don’t punish yourself by thinking you HAVE to go all out and create a shrine.  It’ll just depress you even more.  I used to shy away from anything remotely Mother’s Day-ish, however this year I was invited to a Spa Day with my chums and their Mum (who has kind of ‘adopted’ me) and despite me thinking I’d get sad I thought what the hell.  My Marma loved a good Spa so why not?  Definitely ditch the guilt.

Secondly you’ll feel really annoyed or angry.  I am SO jealous of anyone who gets to meet their Mum for coffee, text them knowing they’ll get a reply, go shopping with them, introduce them to their boyfriend. Blah blah blah. You can’t avoid the bitterness-inducing social media surge of how much everyone loves their Mums on Mother’s Day statuses, all the Insta-worthy photos of lunches out with the family etc etc.  Nor will you have been able to hide under your duvet until all the shops have removed their Mother’s Day paraphernalia, which seems to start Feb 15th FYI. In time this bitterness dies down
a bit, you’ll never not miss your Mum; you’ll just learn to get on with life without her physically being there. Which, trust me, sucks.

Thirdly, there is also the awkwardness of responding to anyone who doesn’t know you don’t have a mother.

‘So where are you off to on Mother’s Day?’

‘Erm, nowhere, she’s dead…’

A guaranteed conversation killer.

Then there’s also the awkwardness of anyone offering pity on you:

‘I know this day is always difficult for you Jemma, so why don’t you come and have a six course lunch with twenty eight members of my family?’….. But that’s where my next point comes in. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about my Mum.  I always wonder when I get myself into dumb situations or let myself down what she would say to me and what her advice would be.  I would swap anything to spend a day with her and I feel like I’m at an age now where I would genuinely want to do so many nice things with her.  When you’re young parents can be kinda embarrassing but as you grow older you realise you become pretty similar and that they weren’t such bad eggs after all.  I look at my friends relationships with their mothers and I’m so jealous.  It hurts.  I hate it. I hate the fact she will never see me as I am now, she’ll never see me become a mother too, or get married (if that ever happens….yuk) she’ll never meet the Bear and she’ll never be able to tell me off again for stealing her makeup.  I’ll never be able to ask her how to make the best scones ever, or how to wash my knitted jumper without shrinking it to fit a Barbie.

WE ALL NEED A MOTHER FIGURE…

Just because you don’t have a Mum doesn’t mean you can’t adopt another Mother figure.  Let’s face it, well all kinda need one!

OBVIOUSLY you can’t parade round acting like they are your REAL Mum, annoying anyone that’s actually related to them,  but you get my point…

I never went searching for one, my adopted Mummy just kinda happened.  I am so lucky to have such amazing friends in my life and their families are part of this. My boyfriend’s Mum is amazing and I love her so much, but she’s his
marma and not mine.  My adopted Mum is my BFF’s mum, Gill Sheeran, and she’s incredible. I can literally sit for hours talking to her and she’s one of the most kind, glamourous, and generous women I’ve ever met. I guess she’s more of a role model and an aspiration than anything.  Anyone who can look that good on a daily basis is a hero in my eyes.  She’s
brought up a family, been through hell and back and still laughs and smiles like a care-free soul.  She’s always there to talk to, offer advice, share a Gin with,  and make me feel good about life.  She also has a blog ‘Growing Old Disgracefully’ so check her out- it’s awesome!

We can literally talk about anything.  I know it’ll never be the same as talking to my own Mummy but I think deep down every girl needs someone they can turn to as a Mother figure.  It’s nature.

So if you DO have a Mother on Mother’s Day just imagine how hard it would be if she wasn’t there, and if you don’t have one try to avoid the bitterness of those that do!  Go out and celebrate someone else’s!  I know my Marma would be more than happy for me to be sipping Prosecco in a bathrobe this Sunday,

Love you Marma,

J xx

Leave a Reply